


Regrets

by devilswreckedchewtoy (AmberFyre)



Series: giveaway fics and drabbles and RP prompts [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demon possession, Gen, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Season/Series 05, but only remembering it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 22:02:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15981407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberFyre/pseuds/devilswreckedchewtoy
Summary: Sam ruminates over past mistakes after the encounter with War is over and he goes his own way.





	Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> This was a giveaway fic written for harvellebackinaction on tumblr circa 2014. Unbeta'd so any mistakes are my own. As per usual, I own nothing but the story. Originally posted on tumblr.

There hadn’t been time to really think about it before.  Too busy trying to sort out the demon/not demon issue, choking on salt and being tied to a chair.  There was the business with War and dealing with Dean not trusting him anymore, the fact that the demon blood was still on his mind and realizing that maybe he did need to take a step back.

 

But on this night, shortly after getting a job under a name not his own and trying to keep a low profile, as he lay staring at the ceiling, sleepless and troubled, Jo’s face appeared in his mind.

 

The last time he’d seen her, he’d been a passenger in his own body, watching and unable to stop Meg from taunting and tormenting her.  Hurting her.  Tying her up and playing with her.  It hurt that Jo had thought _he_ was the one doing those things.  He’d never have hurt Jo, ever.  But Meg, riding his body, had been more than willing to do so.

 

No wonder she’d found it so easy to believe he was a demon.  It had happened once already.  And with everything that had happened since then, he couldn’t really blame her.  What if Meg had simply played with things that were buried in his own mind, things he hadn’t really known were there?  Things he’d fought against acknowledging because he’d wanted to fight his destiny.

 

Sam shuddered, feeling sick as he remembered Meg brushing Jo’s hair away from her face after ramming her head against the bar, remembered the way Meg had played with the knife, holding it so close to Jo’s eye she could have taken it out without much effort.  He hadn’t really wanted that had he?  That had been all Meg, right?  He couldn’t believe he’d ever have hurt Jo.  Wanted to believe it.  Wasn’t sure anymore if he could believe it, whatever his intentions were.

 

Even if he knew it hadn’t actually been him, he’d felt dirty for days afterward.  He’d wanted to apologize, but how do you call someone up and apologize for that kind of thing?  So he hadn’t.  Now he wished he had.  He couldn’t do it now.  If Dean couldn’t trust him now, after everything he’d done, why would Jo accept an apology from him?  She likely hang up on him if he tried.

 

But he regretted it.  It hadn’t even been him and he regretted it.  One more regret in a long list of things he wished desperately he could take back.

 

One more regret in a long list of things he would never be able to make up for.

 

He still wished he could say he was sorry.


End file.
